Tried and True.

This blog is not meant to be a "woe is me" page. I would rather keep it upbeat and show off my craft skills or some great find of late. But, unfortunately, time hasn't allowed for "me" time recently! I feel like I have been living in a crazy, hazy, whirlygig for the last few months. This year, 2010, has been one of the best, worst, happiest, saddest, proudest and humblest (is humblest a word?) years of my life. From dizzying heights and exciting possibilities to bleak outcomes and prognosis... I barely get a chance to sit and reflect. But I can for a moment. So I will.

The year started on a high - we were changing our lives, taking our family back closer to our roots. We had made the decision to uplift from the place we had chosen to be our "forever" home and moved back to a place we never dreamed to go to... but for the closeness to family (distance wise). Having never had a brilliant relationship with my parents, I took the plunge and the opportunity to share my life with them while my children were still young enough to want it but old enough to notice. Not to get into heavy detail, but I realised a while ago, this was not for me. Deep down, my heart belongs where we started from. But, I can say with brute honesty in my heart, at least I tried.

To keep myself moving forward, I decided this year to start one of my businesses up. So far, so good! I am so immensely proud of what I am achieving in a relatively short period of time! It is an online Lingerie store, I have a few plans for it down the track, but for now, it is doing quite nicely and I am learning so much: It can have it's downs, but the ups are fantastic. The pride I get from seeing something I set out to do being accepted and revered by peers is indescribable. It may not be Fredericks of Hollywood, but at least, I can say with brute honesty in my heart, at least I tried!

Dad was diagnosed with Stage IV bowel cancer about a month ago. It has not been easy. The big, powerful, sometimes scary man whom most of my own grievances with myself stem from, so weak (yet not wanting to show it!) in so much pain, with such a bleak outlook... His years of grudge holding and negativity are taking their toll. Friends he vocally and publicly shamed and shunned are now wanting to make amends... to which his pride will not back down. I sat one sunset and told him to "forgive and forget"... to which he argued was a sign of weakness and pity. I cannot change him. I can however, change my own attitudes and behaviours to not reflect his. And if at times, I don't manage to show humility or grace, I can say with brute honesty in my heart, at least I tried!

We are now planning to return to where we were living prior to our move. We weighed up the pros and cons and it came out above and beyond being on top, for the moment. It means I can continue my studies without issue, we will plan a space for my mum to stay for extended periods in the future. My in laws bought a Winnebago, so they need a destination to travel to! I can return with fresh eyes, a new outlook and a positive slant to the future for my kids, my family, myself. Nothing is over until it's over, and no matter how hard a situation gets, I know I have the power to change what I can and accept what I cannot - but in the mean time, I can say with brute honesty in my heart, at least I tried!